I move into my special education placement on Thurs. but today, I got to go & observe the kindergarten special education kids at my school district that I’m in now!
It is def. a different environment in there. There are kids rocking back & forth, a girl poking her eyeball, a boy making spit bubbles, a girl that screams every 5 min, a boy that is curled up in fetal position in the corner, a girl running around the classroom hitting herself, etc…
But I loveeeeeee ittttttt. I kinda just jumped right in! There was this one girl whose background story is that she was super smart but then had a seizure and lost a lot of her memory and is now wearing diapers. When the teacher said, "Everybody on carpet please!", she was going to carpet crouched down like a frog… But I held her hand and she walked to carpet with me & then sat next to me. I found out quickly that she really likes back rubs so she sat and listened/learned while she held my hand and got back rubs from me :)
Because all these kids are making whale-like noises and there’s just so much going on in the classroom, you don’t think they’re learning but they are still listening and absorbing everything in! They may not be able to read but when they see a picture of a man, they can read his expressions and tell you if he’s nice or mean. They may stutter or get off track a lot but they try, they try so hard.
I’m so excited to go into my new classroom in a few days!!
But I’m also going to be so sad leaving my first graders! hahah they’re so funny. They came to me during recess with a bunch of different statements: "Ms. Kim! We missed you! Can you not leave our class for even a sec?" "Ms. Kim! We have a surprise for you on Wednesday but we can’t tell you." "Ms. Kim! We’re going to freak you out really good Wednesday!" "Ms. Kim! I like hugging you. Can I hug you forever?"
ughhhh I love these kids. <3
—-oh, how lovely. I currently hear the start of pitter-pattering rain.—- hehe. sweaters, snuggles & tea weather, I am so ready for you.
One thing that I love is that though my schedule is crazy busy, I am loving what I’m doing. When I drive to school everyday, it’s hecka early & I wish I got more sleep but then I get to see the beautiful sunrise every morning while listening to worship music and then I get excited to see my kids at school. These 6 year olds who started off being like lil monsters have somehow left imprints on my heart & now I feel so attached & feel like I’mma cry on my last day there. T.T
I am absolutely loving this student-teaching experience. My eyes have been opened to how hard teaching is. It’s so challenging & overwhelming but so rewarding. It’s easy to read about it & hear teachers say that all the time but to actually go through it yourself? Man, it’s trueeeeeeee.
& I also actually love my grad classes this semester. Yes, night classes after working is not ideal, but what I learn is so interesting! I’m learning about the flaws of the education system but also encouraged and hopeful that a difference can be made everyday.
In class the other day, we were shown this video. Before I started teaching, I didn’t know where I wanted to teach or if I wanted to be a teacher all my life… I see videos like this everywhere & there are times where I want to teach overseas or teach kids with special needs or teach at homeless centers, etc. But one thing in common with all of these is that there is a need. There is a need for people to believe in these kids, for people to wake up and reach out and to spread themselves everywhere so that a good education doesn’t die and is available for all.
I know I want to teach special education (I’m transitioning into a classroom next week ahh!) but I think I want to definitely teach in areas where kids come from low-income families. IT’S SO HUMBLING.
My students go on field trips to GROCERY STORES. The fact that my students needed to be taken on a trip to a grocery store blew my mind. These kids haven’t seen fresh produce or have been in a grocery store.. I’m over here thinking, kids need to be taken to museums and stuff but I get to interact with kids who teach me that I need to not overlook the basic foundations and needs that they need. Some of my students sleep on floors or live with multiple families or lives in a homeless shelter or has a parent that is addicted to drugs. I’m inspired by their courage to still come out to school and want to learn. Yes, their behavior isn’t all that great but it makes sense now-they have nowhere else to act out and just let go. & that’s when you realize that it takes more to be a teacher than the ability to “teach”. You need to get involved, you need to hear them out, you need to create a safe environment, you need to try and provide them with basic resources that they might not be able to get at home, you need to believe in them & show them that they can be better…that the things they thought isn’t possible for them actually is possible & that you will try your hardest to help them get there.
"Weary traveler, maybe you are exhausted because you are carrying more burdens than you are supposed to. Let go of the past, and allow God to heal you and restore you. Because in that restoration, you shall see a loving God desiring for you to chase after Him, and you shall finally have the strength to do so, because you no longer spend it on things that give no joy at all; So live, love, forgive, and move on. This is worship, this is faithfulness, and this is obeying God even when it hurts."
Rest, child. Beloved Daughter, you are in Me and I in you. Come to Me, I’m all you need. My Child, it’s okay if we don’t sort everything out here. Here is for rest. Don’t be afraid. I’ve brought you here to show You myself, to comfort your heart, to give rest for your soul, to show you I am all in all. I am your First Love, and only in Me will you find satisfaction. Make me your soul’s Treasure again! There is nothing in this world that will satisfy your soul like I do!
/ some truths God spoke into my heart when I went away alone with Him last week. Reflecting on them again is bringing peace and comfort to my soul. I love that God allures us and speaks to us tenderly (hosea 2:14).
"Grace is not so much any one action or rule or attitude, but grace is more of a story about broken people being loved and healed.
Let me tell you about my first pastor. When I first came to church over ten years ago, I was a stubborn thick-headed horny atheist who was looking for hot Christian girls. I hated the sermons but I kept coming back: because there was something about this pastor.
He endured with me. I asked him tons of annoying questions about God and the Bible, but he answered them patiently. I screwed up a lot: I slept with a few girls in the church and confessed them all, but he never flinched. He called me and texted me when I never replied. He bought me lunches, dinners, books, and sent cards to my house. He spent hours praying for me. He never once lost his temper with me.
Over time, I realized how much of a jerk I was to him. I didn’t listen; I was late all the time; I got drunk and went to strip clubs on Saturday nights before strolling in hungover on Sundays; I hardly asked how he was doing. But he was endlessly loving. And the grace of this man completely melted me. I’ve known him now for thirteen years, and there’s no way I could be the person I am today without him.
I remember small moments. When one day I was horribly depressed, and he wrote me a letter right in front of me. When I got out of the hospital from swallowing a bottle of pills, and he listened without judging. When I was sobbing hysterically one day and he gripped both my hands and told me, It’ll be okay. God still loves you and He will never stop.
Even now, my eyes glisten and my heart swells at his sacrifice. His grace fundamentally ripped away my selfishness and disturbed my ego. I deserved nothing and he gave me his all."
You really notice how your students come from low-income areas when you teach a lesson on neighborhoods & the curriculum wants you to teach about parks & houses & friendly neighbors but when you ask your first graders, “what can you find in neighborhoods?”, they answer, “there’s gangstas & cholos! You have to stay away or they’ll stab you.”
My cooperating teacher is so nice, she emails me to see how I’m coming along with this paper and offers to make a Starbucks run for us before school starts tomorrow.
& I totally feel like today’s verse from church service is really giving me energy and faith that everything is going to be alright because I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME. I just wanna yell that throughout the library and give all these poor, tired college students struggling over hurr with me some encouragement! RAWRRRRR.
hahahahah kay. It does really help to look towards God, doe. I forget how big my struggles/worries are but remember how big my God is :) woohoooo kay LEZZ DO THIS, LGI LEZZ GET IT LEZZ GO!
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